I wish you're here

The fear of losing someone you love.

13th June 2015 was my saddest day in my entire life, for now. She is no longer here, with me. Though the promises we made to each other are no longer available, but her wise words shall remain. I missed my opportunity to say goodbye. I had it, but I missed it. The moment when I received the call from my dad, it was unforgettable and unforgivable. 

Now, she is gone. I am happy for her as she finally out of pains & suffers. I know the pains and suffers are unbearable. But, you were strong. Thank you for holding on until the last minute of it.

********

I was taught I need to keep a positive mind, as every day is a new day & great things are ahead. But sometimes, all the coincidences happened around me make me realized that things are meant to be. If it is meant to be happening, it really does. I can't change the fact that people do change, especially they lost their interest.

You don't born to please people.

But at least, give explanations & makes things clear. Idiotic mind and negative thoughts running all around, especially during nights.

Summary of my life.

Photo credit : x

Do you know I cry myself to sleep almost every night? 

Because of You.

Babo ni ga?

Beautiful nightmare

Time now - 3.46 a.m.

I do not have any idea why am I awake from my dream, suddenly. Now the main thing is, I rarely have nightmares. I used to forget about what I dreamt last night once I wake up from dream, even after just a few minutes. But, tonight is an exception. I can recall it so clearly. Was it because of all the little things that I am worried about? Or this actually hinting me something?

If I stay, would you?

I wish everything will turn out good, better or even at its best. But I know, He will always give things that you don't want. Set up all the challenges for you and make sure you are stronger once you walk out of the storm. So at the end of the story, the only person I can blame is I, myself.

I must say that I am an overbearing person, when comes to things that I do really care about. Though I may not speak it out as I don't wanna let others feel pressured or burden by my words. But you must know that I will feel insecure with things that I do not wish to happen.

Sweet dream, babe.

Wish I am a carefree person afterall.

At least, I won't get affected by just simple yet meaningless words.

A wish you wished for,

You know what matters the most to me? Trust. Because I do trust people easily, so please do not take it for granted.

A reminder to self,

No matter how others treat you. Just be kind and have courage.

Still long way to change my way of thinking.

I know I am being emotional these days. If you ever ask me what happened, I can barely tell you the exact answer. Just FYI, even elders do get mood swings sometime.

I've always been long for fairytales. That's why I've been always living in my fantasy. Though reality wakes me up all the time. Yes, I know this is the modern fairy tales, which makes no happy ending. But, I still insist.

I believe in faith.

The feeling of being protected, cared. 

♥

Photo cr : x

Chasing, as always

Here comes the second semester of my freshman year. How time passed. Oh, before that,

Hello 2015!

It is a bit late, but at least it is still the starting of the year. Couldn't get some leisure time for my favorite activities as I really waste a lot of precious on daydreaming..? Slacking..? Chitchatting..? I don't know. /crys
As time goes by, I really have no idea what are the things that I really crave for. I feel like I have lost myself. Used to be so confident and set my goals for everything but now they just getting far far away.

Don't let the past takes away today's happiness.

******

March is a joyful month, course-mates had their wonderful 21st birthday celebration, perhaps? Though we didn't go for fancy 21st celebration, but I hope it will become unforgettable memories for them. Also, I get to know new friends who totally surprised me out. Fat chance none of them gonna see this, but I still have to say.

Hello, please take good care of me.

Though I might be shy at first, but trust me,

I'll be one of the craziest friends you ever have.

Hope we get along well. /smiles

One step closer to miracle. x

I miss everything, do you?

2014 almost comes to the half.

Hello June of 2014.

2014 didn't treat me as good as I thought. I received too many bad news this year. I can barely hold this anymore. When was the last time I cry? It is just so close.

*******
I start to miss everything, the past of everything. I miss the happy moments when I was a kid, with no worries. Now? Most probably because of I never did all those things with fully hard works. I admit I was playful & slacky.



So basically everything was shiz. I don't know why did I hold on for so long. Even if I already knew that I was the one who thought IT still there. But, IT still hurts me a lil. Yes, I am living in my imaginary but will end this asap.

Nah, this suits me best.

 

 

 

 

Anyway, I am planning to go Melbourne for vacation. Advices / suggestions anyone?!

 

 

 

P/S : Writing all these just want to release my so-called-pressure (even everything was just small matters, stupid). I WILL NOT suicide like those people in the newspaper okay, I am open-minded.

Have you found your dream?

Recently, I had a big problem on something which is making me really headache.

WHAT SHOULD I STUDY?
Veterinarian, Interior Design or Wedding Planner?

Damn, these choices are getting my attention. Everyone is giving me different things. Veterinarian is like my dream & designing is part of my life. Wedding Planner? Just lil thought of mine which sometime appear when I'm daydreaming.


According to Wikipedia,

A veterinarian (American English) or a veterinary surgeon (British English), often shortened to vet, is a person who treats animals and a practitioner of veterinary medicine.

What do vets usually do?
Veterinarians may:

• Diagnose animal health problems, and perform diagnostic tests such as X-ray, EKG, ultrasound, blood tests, stool tests, and urinalysis.
• Test for and Vaccinates against diseases, such as distemper and rabies.
• Medicate animals suffering from infections or illnesses.
• Treat and dress wounds.
• Set fractures.
• Perform minor to complex surgery, depending on training.
• Advise owners about animal feeding, behavior, and breeding.
• Euthanize animals when necessary.
• Provide preventive care to maintain the health of food animals.
• Dental work

Giving treatment to the new born baby?

Interior design is a multi–faced profession in which creative and technical solutions are applied within a structure to achieve a built interior environment and home lifestyle enhancement.

What do interior designers usually do?
Interior Designers may:

• Choosing color scheme for the room
• Choosing furniture for the room
• Suggesting art pieces
• Choosing coordinating fabric
• Deciding if the room needs remodeling
• Coming up with an overall design style or scheme
• Suggesting slight changes in building structure, such as adding built-in shelving or larger windows
• Considering upgrades to power, telephone, or water supply to a room as needed
• Obtaining building permits
• Drawing or computer modeling the space
• Restoration of rooms or buildings to historical accuracy

Isn't designing amazing? 

A wedding planner is a professional who assists with planning and organization of weddings. Weddings are significant events in people's lives, and those involved are often willing to spend a considerable amount of money to ensure it is organized as perfectly as possible.

What do wedding planners usually do?
Wedding planners may:

• Interviewing the couple and the parents to identify their needs.
• Budget preparation
• Planning detailed checklist (from about a year in advance to a few days after the wedding)
• Attendee list preparation
• Identification of event venues (hotels, wedding manor etc.)
• Identifying and hiring of wedding professionals and service providers (caterers, photographers, videographers, beautician, florists, bakers etc.), and preparation and execution of contracts.
• Coordination of deliveries/services on the wedding day.
• Have a back-up plan in the event of a disaster.
• Assist and prepare legal documentation and translations - especially for destination weddings.

Oh wait, I think I just in love with WEDDING but not PLANNER.

So, what do you think? Have you found your dream?

Okay I can't decide which to choose, fml.

Thanks for willing waste your <5mins in your life on this stupid post. I don't mean to :(

Crs : x o x o x o x

You raised me up,

I got the courage to update my blog today. Thanks to my guides, once again, I'm being motivated, teehee.

I should be happy since this is our last meeting for '10/'11 guides. But don't know why, I have the feeling of sad & grudge. I kind of miss the oldies now, the memories we had. The laughter & the problems we have gone through.

Rewind back to the first time I entered guide, I know nothing seriously.

I started to take those basic tests, had the spirit to become a Queen's guide (but I gave up in the end), participated in the camps (sadly to say that I never participate in any state's camp), guided my juniors for some part of it, meet new friends, entered marching then in the end get sunburned, was frustrated because of my board & soon I'm going retired!

Still that word kay? Once a guide, always a guide!

Can you imagine? I've been in GirlGuide for 5 years! Time passed in a blink of eyes. Everything was like a fairy tale which happened yesterday. I think campfire will be my last activity for guides, *sad*.

Incomplete me,

One week past, 2 weeks more to go! Mid-Year exam made my life miserable. I promised myself not to online but what am I doing now? You know that. Weather changed vigorously these days. Past 4 days was extremely hot but it started to rain yesterday.

Why you always come without any sense of expectation?

Why am I online now? Because I reward myself for finishing Chapter 1 of History, haha! Okay it is not a big deal but I need some rest since I wasted 2 hours on master this chapter. Imagine there's another 14 chapters to go. /die

Here comes my schedule for revision!

Saturday - History
Sunday - Physics & PJK
Monday - History
Tuesday - Biology, Moral
Wednesday - Biology
Thursday - Biology
Friday - History
Saturday - Chemistry
Sunday - Chemistry & History
Monday - History
Tuesday - Mathematics

Lots of Biology & History I know. No choice, since I'm weak in both. Every second is my previous time. I shouldn't waste my time fooling around. 185 days more to SPM! I should start to make up my mind, make things clear.

I'm going to renovate my blog soon. I've got my aspiration from one of my blogger friend. Haha, nice layout she had & made me jealous lots. Haha, I should start my hobby again. It was my hobby when I was form 2. And I quit because of particular reason.

I wave to you, but you gone.

History exam just ended yesterday. Haha, I'm as happy as a lark now. Although I still have to face my A.Maths, but who cares? I love A.Maths more compared to History!

XinYu's project's deadline is approaching. I have to rush for the boards & so so on. God bless me, hope that I manage to finish them in 2 days? Perhaps.

Sometime I'm totally fed up.

I shall spend more time on my design thingy again. Wish me luck ya! And wish my lovely friend, Lee Xin Yu luck too. All the best to her, she is going to be a Queen Guide soon. I'm proud of her.

Sorry I never walk my talk. As I promised I'll post about my prefect camp but I'm lazy now! Hah, please check out my facebook for more info.

心情地带,

今天是雨天。我的心情也跟那雨一样，慢慢地下落，渐渐地沉默。是我想太多？还是心理作用？每一次的雨天，我都会显得特别安静，有一种很孤单的感觉。

刚刚站在门口遥望整个天空，乌云密布，雨丝纷飞，真叫人叹气。雨越下越大。粗大的雨点打在对面屋顶的瓦片上，掀起了一片片的小水花，像一成薄烟，笼罩在屋顶上，随风飘来飘去。雨水顺着屋檐流了下来，就好像断了线的珠子向下堕落，罗来练成了一条线，直冲向下，流入沟渠，地面都是一片水。斜打着玻璃窗子，像点着了一串串的连珠鞭炮。加上音乐播放器竟然每首歌都播着失恋歌曲。感觉上我好像刚刚失恋一样。只欠我没哭泣而已。

从小到大，我都觉得，天会下雨是因为有人做错了事，所以老天才会开始哭泣。今天，又有人做错事了吗？日本的居民怎么样了？大家还好吗？看到AK在微博上写着日本的情况，真叫人心疼。近来发生不愉快的事太多，这样一连串一连串地发生，让我不知所措。我无能为力，只能一直祈祷。虽然不比实际的行动好，但只要心有佛，佛也会在我们的身边，帮助我们。昨天看到新闻报道说小数的中国人在庆祝日本东京被海啸和地震侵袭的事件。这也太没良心了吧？虽然在18世纪日本人真的很残酷。但他们的政府不是所愿意照顾那些曾经被伤害的家族吗？如果不是日本，我看在科技方面都还远远抛在后头吧？真是不应该！

面子书上都在传明年世界末日的事实。但大家有没有想过？这些都是那些不负责任的人们造成的！随地的乱丢垃圾，焚烧垃圾，杀害野生动物只为了得到个人的利益，无节制地砍伐树木等等。这些都不是人类造成的吗？如果不是，那是谁呢？所以大家都有责任保护地球。今天开始不要再做些没道德的事了。不要等别人，因为等待是没有结果的。如果每个人都等某人行动才行动，那地球更快灭绝。那倒不如现在开始行动？虽然迟了些，但一点一点的力量，可以延迟一点地球即将灭绝的来临。

从雨开始写到雨刚刚停。主啊，你真的听到我的心声吗？既然世界掌握在你手中，那么请你让这地球长久下去。

P/S: 说了这么多，现在都还没完成我的功课。╭(╯^╰)╮
*P/S：音乐播放器啊，你可以不要再播放那些让人听到想哭的歌吗？还是我的电脑太多伤心歌曲啊？⊙﹏⊙b汗

Now playing : JYJ – I Can Soar

I found it far away,

Oh yeah, I’m no longer hiatus since my examination ended today. All the papers go pretty well except for my Physics. I think I’m going to fail it since I didn’t read & ready for it.

My math’s teacher reads my hand today.  At first I just agree with her with some. But after that I thought twice while sitting in the bus. I agree that I really keep everything to myself because it is not a must to tell everything out. & everyone has their own problems, why should I tell my problems to others and let them worry about that? She also said that she told my senior friend about her problem and end up she cried. Well, I don’t feel like crying but I feel touched. And my mind was thinking that.

“Thanks teacher, at least you know that I’m having problems.”

People might think I’m happy-go-lucky person but actually I’m not. Sometime I feel depressed over something but I don’t know say it out. I dislike this or hate that but I just let it be and try to compromise with it. Then she said that I’m a complicated person. I was like hahaha. But I think again, it is a yes. I can’t understand myself well but others people can. Nobody can understand self better than people’s eyesight. Maybe you think you understand well but it is just physically not attitudes or what. There’s a say in Chinese,

“Maybe you’re in confusion, but others can see through it can get it right.”

Up till 16, now only I know that people thinks I’m a complicated person. So yes, everything she said is correct.

Opps, I think should be today :)

Grins into the mirror,

My tuition Chemistry teacher is having her degree gradual or what the heck it isit? I can't remember at all. I just know that it is something after the degree, Hah. But I'm quite envy her since she can continue her studies although she is 4x now.


So now, STPM/ A level?

My dad agreed to buy me a car? Ahh, but I think it is impossible & I don't want to get a car also. I enjoy being fetched by people, Heh. Forgive my selfishness but sometime when someone fetches you to somewhere, it is kind of enjoying. Especially you can sleep while someone is driving, woo :D

My blog track down system is functioning again. But I still don't understand what happened to my cbox. Cbox system annoys me srsly. -_-

Tomorrow having my BM oral test, wish me luck.

She says, He says,

Since I chose jondaenmal languages, I think I should talk / write politely, ehmm. 

Yesterday was Saturday & I went to my old classmate but current schoolmate. Hah, everyone had a marvelous, wonderful, fantastic & great night. Had dinner in her house. Well, Shirley & I were eating non-stop while everyone was like "I'm full." "I don't want eat anymore." "I don't want anymore. Thanks!"

This is the specifically about old good friends. We dont feel shy. Haha, people like us - Shirley & I!

Fireworks spark like shining glows!

People I like. 

But sadly to say everyone went back early. But still okay, I had my heart-to-heart conversation with XinYu. We talked from South to North, Ground to Sky, Bottom to Peak! Hah, it is funny & somehow grieved moments. Well, I still like it. Reading the storybook about horoscope & Galaxy, amazing!

I went back around 11. I asked my sister who also my counselor a very simply question.

" Are you still contact with your old school friends? Good friends? "

And she told me this,

" Never. No one in the school could be your friends especially girl's school. Anyone can betrays you at anytime. By that time, you won't feel surprises but you'll wake up. "

Okay sister, I'll bear it in mind though I still can't understand about your good quote. Well, I'm not looking forward for my social rebelliousness but I wonder how is it look like.

Fight? Pain? Love?

Are you worth it? Prove it then. 

She says, It is a process you'll get into. In the end, you'll get better, stronger & fabulous. So don't try to be upset when you face it. Prove it that you are having a great life. Remember? You're unique, the only one.

Jun always say - Love is pain. No pain? No love.

Cr : Image

The first week, everything is new for me ;

Finally it is Friday! A day that I've been waited for 5 days!

Don't get misunderstood for that. I don't mean that I don't like school or hate school. I love school, of course I love! Remember? I was so excited for first day of the school! I love school, but these days I feel like I'm going to be insufficient. Teachers give lot of assignments. Maybe it is the final year for us, so we have to work harder! Even the timetables for Science Classes have been extending to 2 o'clock, how tiring.

The first week of school is quite tiring actually. I think I've been listened to 10 lectures from my subjects' teachers. I know all the teachers hope we can success in our SPM. They encouraged us to do our things well, so that we'll not give up easily. They also told us tips to success, Lol. Even Physic teacher asked us to do our own resolution for 2011. I wonder what will she replies me after she read my resolution, Hah.
Today our class teacher is funny. She was asking us about what we, students worry about. FOR ME, my worries just simple.

Studies for sure, sleeping hours, homework, tuition, school activities, projects that I’m handling currently, relationship between my family & friends, what to eat for lunch & dinner, when is my favorite artists going to update their Twitter/T-sina, when is TVXQ going to have JYJ+Homin, when is my mum decided to shift the house and lastly of course is MONEY!

Okay I know it is all funny, funny thingy ; Lame, lame thingy. But all these are my worries! I can worry for anything, everything at anytime, every time. That’s why sometime I hate being a girl. Girls have so many emotions & faces. Especially comes to hormone changes, it is really irritating! Why girls just can’t be simply. I think the world will be more peaceful, Lol. That’s a point of mine, no offenses.

That’s something I want to share. I think nowadays the children really been pampered a lot. Yesterday I went into my mum's car after my tuition. And someone parked his/her car at the turning point of the road. It is seriously obstruct the road and even make traffic jam. Hello uncle/aunty, I know you love your children, but can you park the car properly at the proper place? It’s not your area! Then another aunty I guess, she wants her children her child can straight goes into the car right after her child come out from the tuition. So she sit in the car and waiting her child to come out. And she is waiting right at the main road. Everyone behind her keep horning and horning. But I think that lady is a deaf, that’s why she can’t hear anything and move her car. Just because of that stupid car, I reached home 1 hour after my tuition finished, Haih. Uncles & Aunties, can you please think for others first instead of your child?